Ok, I want you to be honest here today! I want you to answer the question, am I a bad parent? Of course it is impossible for you to tell if I am a bad parent based on this one situation, but you can answer, was this a bad parenting decision…or a good one?
The Situation: Gavin loves the Christmas tree. If the lights are off, he plugs it up, he is the watcher of the ornaments, as Tristan, his 2 year old brother likes to take them off the tree. So, we made Gavin “responsible for the Christmas tree.” His duties involved 2 simple things #1 Unplug the lights when he goes to school (there is no need for them to be on during the day when he is not there) and #2 Turn off the lights when he goes to bed (they can’t stay on all night).
What Happened: Last night Gavin went to bed and did not turn off the lights on the Christmas Tree. I was busy working on some stuff and did not notice until he had been asleep for about 30 minutes. Nicki told me to let him sleep, I wanted to wake him up, after all it is his responsibility. I woke him up…it took me about 5 minutes, but he got up, walked in the living room and unplugged the tree. He didn’t remember even having to do it this morning.
My Reasons: I believe that children learn a lot of valuable lessons at an early age (Like in this Post) and because of what Proverbs 22:6 say’s. Gavin is becoming more and more aware of people who are in need, because we are teaching him and he prays for them everyday. I had a very traditional upbringing that taught things like, “Do it right the first time.” “Be a man of your word, if you say you are going to do something, do it, no matter the time or the cost.” Etc…So, since turning the lights off is Gavin’s “responsibility” which he accepted, I decided to wake him up to do his job. Sure, I could have simply unplugged the lights, but what would lesson would Gavin learn from that? That dad will always finish the job if he forgets or just doesn’t want to do it?
Join the Conversation: Am I a bad parent for waking Gavin up to unplug the Christmas tree? What would you have done differently if you think I am to teach responsibility to your child?
I think you totally did the right thing. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to walk in there and have to wake him up to do it, but I still think it was a great lesson for him. Good job!
You’re right. We can’t answer whether or not you are a bad parent, based on one example. Did you do the “right” thing presumes that there is only one effective way to handle the situation. I don’t believe that’s true.
The bigger questions are about attitude, tone and discipline vs. punishment. Two parents can do/say the same things but come across completely differently, based on whether or not they are harsh or loving. (btw, loving doesn’t mean letting kids get away with stuff either, and not rising to their potential.)
Is this responsibility suitable for a child of Gavin’s age (unknown) and maturity level (varies by child)?
Great topic and good way to generate healthy discussion. I especially appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable to others’ opinions!
I agree with you, and I did the same thing just last night with my oldest son (16). Responsibility is an important trait for them to learn, and they have to learn the whole of responsibiliy: Work, Consequences for failure, and Rewards for Success.
I forget how old Gavin is, but my general rule is to not wake a sleeping child–but thats for selfish reasons!
My older sister used to come up from the basement lots of times and tell me I left lights on downstairs. I’d ask if she shut them off while she was down there, but she always said no and made me go back downstairs and turn them off. I was soooo annoyed, and I did this most of my young childhood.
The other day, I came up from downstairs and told my wife she left the lights on…
Ya’ll are too kind.
Nick, he forgot to turn off the lights. Time to take down the tree and pack up the lights. He’ll never forget again.
…of course, at the psych unit where he’ll end up spending the rest of his life, they may not celebrate Christmas, so it won’t be a problem.
Don’t tell my three daughters i wrote this ’cause they would beat me up.
ha!
I don’t think you are a bad parent for waking him up however I do have problem with letting children as young as your son unplug things in the house. Electricity is dangerous. He’s too young for that.
Also, did you know that the wires and plugs on holiday lights are actually coated in lead. We don’t let our children touch them with bare hands. Lead is not good for anybody, especially growing children.
Why not have him bring in the garbage cans or help load the dishwasher? There is a much lower risk of electrocution in tasks like that.
Chores for children should be age appropriate and not dangerous, electrical outlets are not safe and neither are holiday lights.
@ Susie – Thank you for your concern both with the lead issue and the electricity issue.
First of all, my son, who is 5 has been taught the dangers of playing with electricity, and his responsibility of unplugging the Christmas tree is under adult supervision, so I see no threat of electrocution. As well, I used to work doing a lot of electrical wiring and installations, with the duties he is performing under supervision he is safe.
As far as the lead in the wiring of the lights you are correct that there is a level of lead in the product, however there are levels of lead in several products, but there are levels that are deemed as “non-harmful” for children, and the lights fall within that regulation. In fact here is what the Consumer Product Safety Commission said about the study…
Once again, I appreciate your thoughts and opinion on the matter. 🙂
I don’t have an opinion, I just know that if he’s anything like his daddy, he’ll be telling the story at family gatherings years and years from now… maybe even embellishing it some… like that entire month you got spanked with a baseball bat every night for drinking one little sip of coke… with a baseball bat!
@kb – I never said a baseball bat…but it was a cutting board. I think that’s why it weakened so much and broke when dad finally used it on you.
BTW – I don’t remember you ever being told you couldn’t “Drink” something, except for illegal beverages for your age. But yes, we do not give Gavin coke. Its the devil’s drink.
Nick, I’m reporting you to Child Protective Services. On the phone with them right now…
Well…hmmm…if he’s doing it while under your supervision then maybe he was just waiting for someone to actually supervise him before he turned off the lights that night. How could you supervise your son unplugging the lights when you were somewhere else “working on something”?
We don’t let our seven-year-old unplug our lights because we feel it is a risk. He’ll have his whole life to unplug lights. I’d rather focus on age-appropriate tasks for him, but that’s just me. Safety-first.
Lots of children end up in the emergency every years with burns from electrical outlets. IMO five is too young but hey, if you are willing to risk it, go for it. Trips to the emergency room are character building anyway.
And if you want your kid exposed to lead it’s really no one’s business but yours.
Good luck with that…
and Merry Christmas.
@Susie – First of all…I never said I was “somewhere” working on some stuff. I was working on some stuff and did not notice the tree had not been turned off, I was sitting on the couch right by the outlet where the tree is plugged up, so I was right there to supervise him. I am glad you are aware of where I was, beyond that, I don’t know the maturity level of your 7 year old, but my son, comes to us and tells us he is ready to turn the tree off when it is time for him to do so.
The question was not about the Christmas tree lights or allowing our child to unplug them, so I appreciate your views and assumptions on this matter. I tend to try and keep my blog posts short so I didn’t elaborate on every detail, I can see how easy it would be to assume some things.
Beyond that I would assume you are a very protective parent. I guess while your child is living in one of those protective bubbles mine will live a normal life…just taking a wild guess…I may be wrong.
Merry Christmas and good luck to you as well.
ha ha ha that Susie is a real bitter women about this issue and seems to know how to raise kids the “right way”
I think waking him up to teach him was a smart thing, as far as touching the God forsaken plug, what on earth are you thinking????? JUST KIDDING! Again its all about teaching him, when and how so he dosent get hurt 🙂
@ Jessica – Maybe she was electrocuted when she was little? I’ve got the solution! I am going to the store tomorrow and buying all of my kids rubber gloves to wear around 24/7 as to protect them from electrocution and anything that might contain lead. In fact I may purchase my very own lead testing kit to test on anything my kids touch, I’ll then do a “Am I a Bad Parent 2” blog post – I bet Susie will give me an A+ 🙂
Hey a few things Nick,
Sure, why not wake him to do a small simple task such as that? It was his job and he forgot. The best way I’ve learned either through my own chores or with my 5 younger siblings is to do it the right way, right a way. It teaches good discipline in my own experience.
I do understand the concern some have about plugging things in. Personally I think the risk is low, but why not use a powerstrip? Just plug the lights into it, and the powerstrip into the wall and have him turn them on and off with the little toggle switch? Ta-dah!
You can thank me for brilliant idea later. Flowers, chocolates, gift cards and cash are all acceptable.
Funny. I would not wake my kid up for that. In the morning I’d just say we weren’t using the lights for a day because they’d forgotten to turn them off. I am lazy! If your kid didn’t remember getting up and unplugging the lights anyway, what did they learn?
@jmomma – I thought the same thing once I asked Gavin the next morning if he remembered me waking him up. My thought was, did he actually learn the lesson? However it did make for a great conversation with him…on the other hand, you make a good point as well, taking the lights away for a day…I think that would have been another great option.
@Claire – I will give you a doughnut and some coffee in the morning 🙂
Nick,
I think that you are a great parent and very hott as well…when you woke him up did you make him read his KJV…i sure hope so…haha…
My parents did the same thing to me when i was growing up…and i think i turned out okay…if i had a responsibility to take the trash out or something of that nature then it wasn’t okay for me to put it off till the morning…i had to complete the task then.
You are a wonderful parent…
Drew “Ladies man of the Year” Hall
@ncarnes
Hey, My father was an exc for Coke!
I remember one of his perks was a life time supply of the product line. As a kid we had a garage FULL of drinks… Maby that’s what’s wrong with me..lol
But yea good job on the little guy!