I have a battle that wars within me constantly. Its a battle between desiring to be the Christian that Christ wants me to be and to do Christianity the way I was taught to do it.
I believe football has more conditioning and training drills than any other sport. I’ve played all of the major sports in school; football, basketball, baseball, and soccer. I missed out on underwater basket weaving. Football has so many positions and each position has a different function depending on the play, so the training is extensive. If you are an offensive lineman, one play may call for you to run block while the next requires a pass block, then an entire new play may require that you perform a pull block to open a bigger hole for your running back. This process of training is often referred to as “Conditioning.”
When I got out of High School, I held several jobs. One of my greatest closing lines when interviewing was to assure the company that I had the skills to perform the job, but because I had never worked in the specific position or for a competitor, I would do the job exactly the way they trained me to do it, unlike career employees, I was not conditioned in any other method of doing the job, basically I was a blank slate. I was communicating that I had not been programmed to do it any other way, rather I would perform the job only in the manner that they conditioned me or trained me to do it in.
I struggle with this in Christianity. I grew up being programmed that a lot of Christianity was a duty instead of a relationship. Even though I know better, I find myself reverting back to this approach in my faith walk. Don’t get me wrong, some of my Christian conditioning was good for me, and I use the skills all the time, but then there are some areas that are toxic to my relationship with Christ. I don’t want to do Christianity, I don’t want to have a checklist to make sure I am not making God mad. I fight against some of the opinions that were taught to me as ‘fact’ and as ‘the Gospel’. I’m left questioning a lot, is this (particular issue) a non-negotiable or is it a mere opinion of a righteous individual? In the end, I guess God uses this struggle to keep me reliant on him during the times I have this war raging within me. Join the Conversation: Have you been conditioned?
I think you’re exactly right Nick. I think the gap between God’s perfect you and where you are today is what drives us to a dependence in HIm.
I absolutely know what you’re talking about here Nick. I too had been conditioned to DO Christianity all my life growing up. And I too sometimes still struggle with the realization that following Christ has nothing to do with following a set mad made religious regimen. It has everything to do with real relationship with Christ, loving others and pointing them to Him, and living a life that pleases God in my actions. Sometimes I feel like I’m not DOing enough, and that makes me think at first that I must be getting spiritually weak. But I’ve learned that it’s not necessarily how much we do, it’s how we live that counts.
I didn’t start going to church until I was 21. I caused a lot of damage in those 21 years, but I’m actually pretty grateful for them. I’m surrounded by “churched” people who, well, often times are stuck in ruts that I’ve never even stepped in. My skepticism of Christianity didn’t go away once I became one… it’s a pain in the butt to still have, but a pain that I guess I should be grateful for.
It screws things up for me sometimes though… I’m not very good at playing the church game. People who can walk that line well are brilliant- knowing that things aren’t as they should be, but not jacking up the whole system by complaining/leaving/criticizing/etc… I think I’ve begun to rant so here comes the SUBMIT button.
great one!
God has been speaking much the exact same thing to my heart…. in fact I just blogged about it.
He is taking away the things I DO — or I should say — He’s helping condition me WHY I do things. I am doing them for a different reason now and it’s not about the doing — it’s just about Him. He doesn’t want me to do things out of guilt. DOesn’t want me to do so I feel better about myself. Or do it because I’m striving for His love, approval (He told me that is finished – I already have it!!!!) He wants me just to do it because He is that worthy and I desire to spend time with Him.
anyway – just rambling. Not sure if it even is the same thing u were talking about —- but I could relate to many things you said!!! 🙂