Discontentment

I guess it would only be natural to do a discontentment post just days after posting about being Content. I have to be transparent. I struggle with a lot of stuff, and it all stems from the church environments that I was raised in. My dad always did a great job of challenging me when we would discuss what I was being taught in my “Christian” school. I never heard him support some of the legalistic stuff that I was being taught, although he did have his opinions at times in the area of music, but God freed him of that long ago. The problem is, we didn’t discuss everything that I was being taught, therefore a lot of it sank in, without me lifting a finger to find out if it was a Biblical truth or if it was merely a person’s opinion. One of those struggles is discontentment and whether it is a bad thing to be discontent, or if it could be a good thing.

18 months ago I resigned as a full time youth pastor to get plugged into a new church plant in our area as a volunteer. I love our church and have no problems with it, but I am discontent. I don’t have the space to tell the entire story, (Email me if you want to know it) but I ended up getting a full time job at a 200 year old Presbyterian church in their publications department and overseeing their web design. Maybe some of the discontentment comes from not fully being able to use my gifts and talents as I once did when I was full time? It is hard going from one environment to a totally different one. Going from a full time pastor to a full time administrative position. I know God called me to preach when I was 12 years old. I had the opportunity to serve in ministry at my families church since I was around 10 and I remember how God kept speaking to me, I would wake up in the middle of the night, and I couldn’t shake it. I didn’t want the calling, but God didn’t ask.

Anyway, I tell my wife that if God sent me to Greenbrier for the sole purpose of meeting some of the people that I have been able to meet, then it would be worth it. I value Shane’s friendship more than anyone will ever know. I have never had a friend that was as sold out and as in love with Jesus as Shane and Hank. I love those guys and I have not known them for that long. My pastor Chuck has been a huge positive influence and was a breathe of fresh air at a time where I needed it. Being on the outside and kind of on the inside of a church plant, I feel like I’ve learned a lot, so I know that God uses his timing for many good things. The problem is, I know that, yet I am still discontent. I was looking at a book that was at our church office the other night waiting for our youth workers planning meeting to start. On the back of the book Bono was quoted as saying that within the next year over 10,000,000 children in Africa would be affected by HIV/AIDS, many of which will lose their life. Did you know that in the next year I will print over 146,000 worship guides? That has nothing to do with the crisis that Africa faces with HIV/AIDS, poverty, pandemic diseases, illiteracy, and other crisis’. It has nothing to do with the third world countries that live with many of the same problems. It has nothing to do with people here in the United States who are daily affected by problems and habits. It has nothing to do with the fact that there is a world full of unbelieving people that need to hear the Good News of Jesus Christ. I sit in an office all day or eat lunch at Panera if I can and make no impact at all in this world. I am grateful for how Shane allows me to serve along side him in our Next Gen Ministry, I love the opportunity to oversee our Host Teams, but while all of that is great and it does make an impact for Christ, I feel like that amount of time I can contribute is not making as big of an impact as I could be making.

Does God use discontentment to prepare us for something different? To impassion us to move after his causes? I don’t know…I just struggle with it. I hate to even voice it because I don’t want to appear as if I am complaining, because I’m not. In fact I am the one that made the choice to be in this position. I felt God wanted me to do it, so was I right or not? If I was right, then why the discontentment? See, I’m confused! I can look at how God has used things in the last 18 months to bless us, to teach us, and to grow us, so it is in those times I never doubt my choice.

I don’t think discontentment is a sin or wrong. I may be wrong, but I think it is perfectly ok to be discontent where you are, if God is wanting to move you. I think it is perfectly ok to be discontent with where you are at in your spiritual journey, I think it is perfectly ok to be discontent about the state that our world is in. So what does my discontentment mean? The million dollar question.