On Monday, I posted about one of the pivot points that Nicki and I made in our marriage. As a result of our choice we’ve seen the fingerprints of God on our home time after time.
Today, my post is not about a pivot point as a couple, rather, a pivot point that I made as an individual before I got married. Couples make decisions and commitments together all the time. After all, when standing at the altar, the minister officiating a wedding asks for a commitment from the couple in order to fulfill the requirements of the ceremony. How many times has a couple made a vow and commitment to each other and it is broken? It happens all the time.
Commitments to each other will only be upheld if each individual makes a decision in their own heart that they will fulfill that vow.
PIVOT POINT #2: Established Boundaries
The song made famous by Top Gun says the following in some of it’s lyrics…
Revvin’ up your engine listen to her howlin’ roar
Metal under tension beggin’ you to touch and goHighway to the Danger Zone ride into the Danger Zone
Out along the edges always where I burn to be
The further on the edge the hotter the intensityHighway to the Danger Zone gonna take you
Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Right into the Danger Zone
A life and marriage without boundaries is a life lived on the edge, not begging to be in the danger zone, but already there!
This was a commitment I made BEFORE I got married. It is a commitment I would encourage any man or woman whether single, dating or engaged to make now. It is definitely a commitment that I would encourage any married man or woman to make if they have not already done so.
Who is this commitment made to?
- God
- Your (future or current) spouse
- Yourself
Shortly after I was married, someone (who will remain nameless), decided they would try to trap me and (I guess) test my commitment to my wife. This was back in the day when instant messaging was like today’s Twitter and Facebook.
I got a request from this “someone” and I didn’t recognize their user name. They posed as a UGA cheerleader and immediately started saying they noticed I was a Bulldog fan and liked certain things for which they had in common. The funny thing was, I did not post any of that information in my personal profile, so I immediately knew something was wrong.
I did two things. First, I contacted two or three people who I trusted and told them what was going on and that I had suspicions that it was someone I knew. Secondly, I continued to lead this person on through the instant messenger to try and discover who it was that was trying to obviously hurt me and my reputation. This person was asking me to come see them at a Georgia game, for which I had never been able to go to, so I started talking a lot around people who I knew about trying to go to a Georgia football game.
Long story short…I don’t remember all of the details of how it happened, but I finally found out who was doing it and the situation was dealt with (like Jesus would have…maybe).
Sure, that was a softball, but even if they were not that bad at deception, and I did not have boundaries, I could have given into the temptation to meet-up with a Georgia cheerleader and my reputation, my character and my integrity would have been shattered. By the Way, when you are married to the sexiest woman on the planet, this is an easy temptation to overcome because no other woman can compare! 🙂
By passing this test and maintaining my character, when a “concerned” lady in my church several years ago ran into my mom-in-law in the store and tried to accuse me of “being in the car” with another woman. My mom-in-law (who is wonderful by the way) knew immediately that this woman was only trying to cause problems and get me in trouble. My mom-in-law also knew that I was currently working at a car dealership and it was my job to be in the car with all sorts of people who wanted to test drive a car. By the way, this car only had a dealer tag and a sales sticker in the window. The fact is, some people are just fools.
The Traffic Light
In the marriage course, a Biblical Portrait of Marriage, Bruce Wilkinson talks about the traffic light and how we all put off a signal.
- The Red Light (meaning stop) signifies that “You” are not available.
- The Yellow Light (meaning slow down)….well, I’m 30, my memory is slipping from me. Let’s just say it means you still don’t have proper boundaries.
- The Green Light (meaning go) signifies that “You” are available.
The question you have to ask yourself as a married spouse is what signal are you giving others outside your marriage? How do you talk with those individuals? How do you exchange touches? What kind of compliments do you pay them?
If you have the proper boundaries, when others interact with you, they should not receive any sincere or false signals that you are remotely “available” to them.
I’ll post later about my personal boundaries that I have set…
Men and Women…Join the Conversation…Have you set boundaries as an individual for your relationship to your significant other? What are they?